Torturing the collection agencies...OOH let's count the ways how we can...

[KCG116]

There are so many I have used in the past...

1. Send back their letters marked return to sender. I later found out when you do this most will send your account back to the original creditor because they don't know where you are...

2. Tell them you are recording the call. Listen to them panic, then hang up on YOU...

3. Give them the wrong bank account information. Yes...I am SUCH a tease...

4. Call THEM every day and ask if the mail came yet and if my paperwork was in from the original creditor I asked for...

After all want this situation resolved ASAP...(This one got them screaming at me that they never wanted to hear from me again and they were sending my account back to the OC)..

HEEHEEHEEHEEHEE...

(This one worked wonders and was oh such FUN for me! Stress relief! Make sure you ask for or call the same reps EVERY day!

5. Tell them you will call them RIGHT back-then do-keep putting them on hold every minute or two (oops doorbell-another call-baby hungry-dog wants out whatever..Oh so sorry for the interruptions...

6. When you know it's them calling answer the phone saying such things as,
"Attorney General's Office Collection agency abuse division...Officer X speaking"

"Debt collects rehab clinic-we know we can help you!"

"Hello this Attorney x on behalf of (fill in your name)"

and so on and so on...

7. Fax the same requests to their numbers daily (Yes some are in my fax's memory)...

8. Dare to QUESTION THEM!

9. OH and if they DO talk while you are recording, call back ask for a supervisor play it back to them and start naming the violations you will sue for!

10. Tell them if they can get the IRS to stop taking most of your paycheck and let you pay them instead you happily will-and to call you back after they get a letter from the IRS saying it has been arranged...

11. Ask then to call your relatives and get loans out of them start rattling off names and phone numbers...

12. Suddenly decide on the spot that you are going to file for bankruptcy-pick your new lawyer's name out of the yellow pages and give it to the collector (pick a big firm so you have many names to pick from).

I am a woman so guess what I can change my mind the next day...

(A good friend did this and told me many accounts she never heard from again or not until months later!)

I have so many more..just a few off the top of my head...everyone please add suggestions!

[docniss]

Years ago I had a dispute with a company my business had leased one of those credit card processing machines from. This was before I was brave enough to handle things myself so I hired a lawyer to deal with it. We negotiated a settlement and I paid the amount agreed upon in full as agreed. About a month later a CA started calling me. The first 4/5 calls they were told this was settled and the OC had been paid. They kept calling. One day they called and got nasty with me calling me a liar and a dead beat so I had some fun.

After I hung up with them I called them back and started in with a little taste of their own medicine: Call is being recorded for training purposes etc,

How do you like it when people call you for no good reason. What's your name...and all kinds of crazy questions and comments like I'll track you down, watch your back. I know where you live and on and on.
I would scream into the phone.I got nasty and called the rude witch a few non lady like names.

Weird, she didn't like it and warned me to stop calling. I called about another 20 times and would say nothing more than Hi, it's me what you don't like to be harassed for no good reason while you are trying to work. Oh so sorry.

Alas after about an hour of this I got bored. I never heard from them again.

But it was amusing for a while.

[jetscarbie]

I use to blow a whistle in the phone when one would call.

[cbairey]

have your dog, sniff into the phone, OR, moo over and over again

[Flyingifr]

The best way to annoy them is to simply sue them. Nothing gets their attention better than a summons with their name on it as Defendant.

[someonesomewhere]

For any smart alecks/frustrated actors, same treatment that one would give to a telemarketer works for a CA.

"Hello? Who's this? Oh." Rinse and repeat. For Cheech and Chong fans, add "Dave's not here." Doesn't matter whether they're looking for Dave or not.

Keep a glass of water with a straw in it near the phone. "Chello, dude. 'Sup. Whoa, like hang on a sec there, dude." Blow bubbles into the straw and remark, "Whoa, that's like, whoa." I'm told there's some sort of weird cultural reference associated with some sort of stoner dude activity.

Channel the Reverend Jim Ignatowski. "Ah, er, hmmm. So, do you have, no. Wait. I think. Pffffffff. Hello?"

Pick a favorite character from TV or movies that you identify with or can get into character. Assume their personae and the annoying PITA thing to say to the CA will just naturally come to you.

[Robert_Nashville]

Originally Posted by jetscarbie

I use to blow a whistle in the phone when one would call.

I still like the canned "air horn" in the mouthpiece....there is just something very "satisfying" about it.

[KCG116]

I forgot another favorite:

My grandmother just starts screaming about everyone for everything that she is going to sue them for discrimination because of her age, her ethnicity, whatever she can come up with...
...

[Flyingifr]

Some of my favorites (that I have used):

1. Fake a suicide attempt. Make it sound like you are on the verge of suicide, then slam a large book on the table near the phone. If you do it right it will sould like a gun going off. Drop the phone and fall on the floor (try not to laugh). Silently crawl away and leave the phone there.

2. Act like they are calling a Psychic line - ask for their credit card number and insist they called "Psychics R Us".

3. (if a woman is calling) Ask her out for a date. Get "REAL personal - "What is your cup size? What color panties are you wearing?"

4. (if a man is calling) Insist that he is the guy who's been sleeping with your daughter and tell him he cannot talk to her and if he got her preganant you will shoot him.

5. (for telemarketers sellingmagazines) "I only read three magazines - NAMBLA News (North American Man-Boy Love Association, a pedophile group), Pervert Daily and Pedophile Gazzette - do you have any of them?"

6. (for telemarketers trying to raise funds for Special Olympics) - "I sponsor an event here in the Special olympics - the Wheel Chair Demolition Derby."

7. For bill collectors - act like the family pastor who has come to console the family after a death - "Brother Tom would be glad to know you thought of him and hios family in this their hour of need. Would you like to send flowers?"

[someonesomewhere]

Originally Posted by Flyingifr

4. (if a man is calling) Insist that he is the guy who's been sleeping with your daughter and tell him he cannot talk to her and if he got her preganant you will shoot him.

You really don't wanna threaten violence, at all.

Originally Posted by Flyingifr

5. (for telemarketers sellingmagazines) "I only read three magazines - NAMBLA News (North American Man-Boy Love Association, a pedophile group), Pervert Daily and Pedophile Gazzette - do you have any of them?"

I don't need to know how you know of these publications.

[Robert_Nashville]

Originally Posted by someonesomewhere

...I don't need to know how you know of these publications.

He probably subscribes to them with the money he has left over from his court case winnings (after he buys fuel for his plane).

[mathis9394]

Originally Posted by Robert_Nashville

He probably subscribes to them with the money he has left over from his court case winnings (after he buys fuel for his plane).

[Flyingifr]

Originally Posted by Robert_Nashville

He probably subscribes to them with the money he has left over from his court case winnings (after he buys fuel for his plane).

Actually I make them up as I go along. The funny thing is - the telemarketer will swear they can get me those magazines.

[someonesomewhere]

Originally Posted by Flyingifr

Actually I make them up as I go along. The funny thing is - the telemarketer will swear they can get me those magazines.

Now THAT you need to get on tape.

[cbairey]

heres a good one,,


Ca.. we are XX collections,,

answer , Collers? sorry dont have any pets dont need collers,,, ( make them repeat Collections)
say . OHH no sorry i dont have any Collections i need collecting, but i have your number in case theres ever a need,& thanks ( hang up)

if they call back , again repeat you dont have any collections for them to collect FOR you but since they seem "pushy" you may just go with another CA now instead of them,,for your Collection needs...



------------------------------------------------------------------

CA: calls, answer,, WHO? what room are they in? do you know the DRS name? I just answer the Phone.( then shout.. PUT THAT DOWN...OHH damn Not again and Hang up..best to do sorta "breathless"

[mycorrado]

One of my favorites, is Tom Mabe's murder scene..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qv3UCvxUh8E

but sometimes, just answer the phone - FBI, Special Agent thompson.. and shut up. click!

[RSB]

These conversations made me laugh.

Several times, a collector called to talk to my ex husband. I got tired of them calling and told them where he was. I said he ran off, to NJ, to be with his married, internet girlfriend, who dumped her two minor children to be with him(my ex). They quit calling.

My sister who is very disabled, and has no income at the moment, had a colector call every day for two weeks before she changed her phone number. One time my sister told the collector, that she has great ESP ability. She told the collector she needed to get to the doctor right away, because the collector had a dreaded virus.

[Nurse2Be]

Originally Posted by RSB

These conversations made me laugh.

Several times, a collector called to talk to my ex husband. I got tired of them calling and told them where he was. I said he ran off, to NJ, to be with his married, internet girlfriend, who dumped her two minor children to be with him(my ex). They quit calling.

My sister who is very disabled, and has no income at the moment, had a colector call every day for two weeks before she changed her phone number. One time my sister told the collector, that she has great ESP ability. She told the collector she needed to get to the doctor right away, because the collector had a dreaded virus.

Those - and all of the others - are great!

[BrokeBob]

Originally Posted by RSB

These conversations made me laugh.

Several times, a collector called to talk to my ex husband. I got tired of them calling and told them where he was. I said he ran off, to NJ, to be with his married, internet girlfriend, who dumped her two minor children to be with him(my ex). They quit calling.

My sister who is very disabled, and has no income at the moment, had a colector call every day for two weeks before she changed her phone number. One time my sister told the collector, that she has great ESP ability. She told the collector she needed to get to the doctor right away, because the collector had a dreaded virus.

Swine Flu anyone?

[someonesomewhere]

Originally Posted by BrokeBob

Swine Flu anyone?

No thanks. I'm good.